coarse hair, dirty looks,
stem from me, my hurt.
i open to discover heartache,
irrelevant to a spirit hunting solace.
the earth explodes into fragments of my life,
the many facets of reproducing conscious self.
shifting to a new realization here in mind,
she spreads so i may peer into her gaze,
fixed upon me like a madman's rage.
parallel universes, stretched beyond their domain,
she travels past my naked eyes to find me dumb,
i become dumbfounded by the overwhelming beauty i see in her.
drawn into this blooming light of my desire,
i am drawn to her as a moth into the flame.
forgotten remnants of an impure and dispassionate heart,
they melt away as my heart folds sullenly from a cold and distant tone,
folds into the manifolds where boundaries cease to exist.
==
to clutch this breath of life in one's own hands,
asleep and dying endlessly by reams of fate.
no treachery be done here by this scalpel gainst my skull,
forever it has been my longing to greet the ghosts and die.
instead you hold me hostage by chains and fetters,
you will not let the eve of my want to pass into the day i so lovingly dream of.
abortion is a mystery of christ.
when all god's lemmings go to hell,
i see no need for childish lullabies.
i stand here at the edge of a knife.
blade readied for that desperate plunge,
should i retract & cauterize?
extending the existence of your childish fantasy?
or should i join forever and eternity,
as slave to some far more beautiful reality?
==
i shy away,
retract within the shroud of my disguise.
still, lingering in my subversive self,
seduction lies in the fluidity of your precious words.
how mild is the bait that you have cast into my sea,
such a thin and fragile line you walk with me.
you have found me weak,
will you still draw me up and drink?
cold, hard eyes stare back into yourself.
dry and dusty lungs that will not breathe.
i sense you stalking in the night.
stitch the broken pieces into my human form,
her shadows cease to dance upon my soul,
nor will the foulness of breath fan the embers.
death, have your way with me!
still, there is a spark of affection
which will not cease to burn,
the most dangerous part of me,
the will to live.
i draw the blade and pry the tip inside of me.
we fly away,
a final spinning of the wheel of fate is set to motion.
still, lingering in my subversive self,
seduction lies in the fluidity of your precious words.
one last procedure of myself to execute...
if only i can kill the remainder,
my desire.
==
within this sea of broken glass,
so dangerous yet so beautiful.
stained with drops of blood -
and every other colour known to man
it cascades in on me, then shreds me into pieces you once loved.
spiralling down into the fractalline forest,
you were so dangerous, yet so beautiful.
our love was stained with drops of blood -
and every other colour known to man
it cascades in on me, then shreds me into pieces you once loved.
i drowned myself in memories of you.
i drowned myself in regretful thinking.
a part of me is displaced now,
i cannot for the life of me recall
where this emptiness belongs.
reaching for the shoreline of my rational mind,
i slip, then kicking harder i regress,
the quicksand is working against me.
just when i think it is safe to breathe,
it has swallowed me into something new,
into something i never expected it to,
i keep sinking into love even though i try so hard to fight it.
==
my shoulders ache from all your disappearances,
the stomach of my soul is running dry.
i sniff the air and capture scent
a hint of sweet perfume that traces back to you.
have you penetrated this façade of mine?
i would show you everything.
keep on crying, girl.
there's a part of me that you don't want to see.
just finishing up, here.
there's one more layer to myself.
soon the drywall, then i'll construct my secret passageway to you.
deeper things within me are crumbling down to dust.
i will show you what is new, the rest is history.
==
forget about the past.
forget about the future.
i believe you now,
i believe in you.
you could take my snapshot,
focusing in on the corners of my life,
what do you see?
do you see me in the fire?
can you see me burning here, in this hell?
take my snapshot,
if you're listening.
freeze me in this moment,
for you, life flitters by.
yet i am trapped here in my recursion of consciousness,
which has no end.
rewind now to the day i can't let go of.
capture it and send it in a dream to me.
where each blade of grass stands perfectly,
smiles and laughter flitter on the wind,
about a girl in a picturesque world.
about you.
if death is a doorway.
where does it lead?
i wake up.
i close my eyes.
the breathing and my heart rate rise.
i wake up to serenity in the skies.
i open up to you,
flittering on the winds.
==
i could hold my breath up to the light
there's nothing you can say to me that doesn't suit me just fine.
i could float to the edge of the earth
and just drop off...
just drop off..
drop off.
i see you there, on the other side
through all the white noise, i can make out your smile.
i'm standing right here, with the sand inbetween my toes,
i'm standing right here, at the edge of the earth.
i try to reach through to you...
try to reach through to you..
reach through to you.
i close my mind,
open my eyes,
you disappear to
the other side.
i close my eyes,
open my mind,
and you appear,
so beautiful...
so beautiful..
so beautiful.
beautiful.
sorry for all the lies,
i'll make it up to you,
sorry for the lies,
i'll kiss you there,
on the other side.
==
would it matter if you disappeared completely?
would i miss you?
when you're gone i see the windows shuttered,
have i lost touch with the unrealities that once were held so dear to me?
i keep trying to envision you
within this clustered neural network
it is here i strip the bark
the outer edges of who i am not.
i show myself through layers.
do you find me to be beautiful?
i am anything but beautiful.
i cut myself and burn the pieces.
i'd like so much to be what you desire.
smoke & magic & ...
all the things which i am not.
SUPERHERO, USA
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